Elena is a tough kid. She also has it tough some days. Lately she is asking me all the time, "Why do I get hurt all the time???" "Why am I the only one who has all these owies???" And it is through tears, through exasperation, through wails of anguish that I hear these words. Today it was after she tripped in the minivan, going toward her seat in the back and she fell on her pinkie finger, smashed it into the plastic side of the vehicle next to her seat. The hard part is that often she won't let me touch it or even see it so I feel completely helpless to help her at all. And I wish I had an answer she could understand about why she falls a lot, why she trips over things (chair legs, my feet, cracks in the sidewalk) but it is hard to understand that your body's signals don't always get to the right place when they are sent. Especially when you are four. And a half.
Lots of times I feel like the things I do go unnoticed. Today she gave me hope that the many hours I have spent researching, talking, writing, calling, finding resources and processing with friends and Ryann will one day all pay off and she will know how worth it she is by all these things.
Maren actually started this. I was getting Maren dressed, trying to get them to hurry to get them to Elena's field trip to the fire department on time. (There were a few graces I thanked God for as I realized we did not have to be there till 15 minutes later than I originally thought and that there was a pair of Maren's socks on the table so I did not have to run all the way upstairs to get them - some days it is just the little things that get you through!) So I am pulling Maren's pants on her and she leans over and kisses me. Right on the face. I stopped and looked at her and said: " That just made my day!" My children are not kissy types. We do not teach them to exchange kisses with anyone else and don't push it on them at all. This is probably a lot me - I am a germophobe about that and I hated kissing adults as a kid. So this was quite a rare treat, completely out of the blue. I have to ask for kisses if I want them. I kiss them, but rarely on the mouth.
Elena was right there with us and all of a sudden she comes over and gives me a kiss on the cheek. Then she kisses me on the other cheek. Then she kisses me two more times. I think I am dumbfounded, as I can recall all the times the Elena has voluntarily kissed me. The first time was shortly after she had turned two.
I think I asked her what all the kisses were for this morning. You know what she said?
"For my mama for taking good care of me when I was sick."
I am speechless, wordless, even now, thinking about it. Such a sentiment coming from Elena, a realization and a showing of affection and recognition of heartfelt positive emotion directed at Kirk or I... such a rarity. Such a diamond. A treasure that cannot be measured. That gives me strength to do it all again tomorrow.
